


Eavesdropping

by twosuns



Series: How He Found Out series [2]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Bellarke, Canon up to 5x13, Drama Drama Drama, Eligius fic, F/M, How He Found Out series, I can't lose you too, Season 6 one-shot, Season/Series 06 Speculation, bellamy + clarke, light hearted, murphy/clarke friendship, one shots, the head + the heart, then angsty, then something else?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-23
Updated: 2019-02-23
Packaged: 2019-11-04 13:53:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17899337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twosuns/pseuds/twosuns
Summary: He should go. He shouldn’t be eavesdropping on them in the first place. This isn't any of his business.... Yet, he finds himself frozen: waiting for an answer.Canon up to 5x13: a Season 6 one shot where Bellamy accidentally stumbles upon a late night conversation between Murphy and Clarke. Oneshot.





	Eavesdropping

_**Eavesdropping** _

“-because you _NEED_ do something about it!”

__

Bellamy groans. He was _just_ about out the door after doing some late night work on their settlement plans. He turns the corner to the back entrance when he hears John's voice carrying across the building. Having been alone all evening, he'd assumed that everyone else had left.

__

_Leave it to Murphy to make a scene after hours._

__

As he starts back down the hall, a fed-up Clarke yells back with just as much vigor: “What I _need_ is for you to leave it alone! And keep your arm still!”

__

No doubt Murphy got into _another_ fight with _another_ local, and found Clarke to get patched up. Abby had warned him she was done repairing the effects of his antics, and Miller’s temper was deterrent enough to keep him from bothering Jackson. Not that she wouldn’t have been his first choice, anyway.

__

The first weeks after cryo-sleep were rough between everyone and Clarke; Murphy especially. He wasted no opportunity to remind her of every bad decision back on earth, and kept up the berating for weeks longer than anyone else. Bellamy tried to intervene after a while, but Clarke insisted that he stay out of it and took the abuse without complaint.

__

Then they were caught in their first nuclear rainstorm by surprise. Emori was injured and too far for them to get to… without a second thought, Clarke ran into the downpour to save her. They both made it: badly burned from the radiation, but alive and able to recover. That moment completely changed John's perspective. It wasn’t long before they became closer than either of them expected.

__

Obviously Murphy was picking a few fights, tonight.

__

Getting nearer to the medical supplies room, Bellamy is readying a snarky comment about drinking and mouthing off… when Murphy starts yelling again: “I'm not going to leave it alone because you’re acting like an idiot! _I'm_ saying you're acting like an idiot, what does that tell you?”

__

Bellamy doesn't need to see Clarke to know she's rolling her eyes. Murphy starts again, but this time: what he has to say stops Bellamy in his tracks.

__

“The _great_ Wanheda! The Commander of Death _disgustingly_ in love, but too afraid to say anything? Honestly it's beneath you.”

__

Despite himself, Bellamy's chest tightens and his entire body tenses up. His jaw clenches as he feels more emotional than he has a right to be. A quiet piece of him, buried deep down years ago, burns with a jealousy that shouldn’t exist.

__

“There’s nothing to say,” Clarke replies: brushing him off, “now hold still or I can’t stitch this for you.”

__

“Nothing to say? _Right_ .” Murphy’s voice is dripping with sarcasm, “You stopped coming out with all of us. You’re not sleeping. And you avoided the last _three_ council meetings. You’re saying that had _nothing_ to do with this?”

__

Bellamy considered Murphy's questioning, suddenly feeling like he's overlooked something. The truth is, he hadn't seen Clarke much at all since they got their people moved into camp. He _had_ noticed she wasn’t at their last few meetings with the locals, but her new boyfriend happened to be in attendance, so the two seemed unrelated. What was Murphy getting at?

__

_Has she been avoiding the guy?_

__

_Did something happen? To her?_

__

He sees red at the thought.

__

“And how _are_ things going with Captain Forehead?” Murphy pries, as if on cue.

__

Captain Will Logan was a local guardsman who worked closely with their team after first contact. He was your typical guy-next-door type, but quick to jump into things, cocky... Bellamy didn’t like him from the start. His shameless schmoozing of Clarke in an effort to score a date certainly didn’t help with that.

__

It was a few weeks ago that she relented and started seeing him. Bellamy had made it a point to avoid asking how it was going between them... but he couldn’t seem to bring himself to move from behind the door.

__

There’s a noticeable pause before Clarke answers.  
  
“Fine. He’s great. I mean Madi even seems to like him and he’s.. everything's fine.”

__

_Hardly sounds like a woman in love._

__

John doesn’t miss a beat: “Things are _fine_? So you still haven't slept with him?”

__

_Shut up Murphy._

__

“Shut up Murphy.” Clarke unknowingly mirrors her co-leaders’ inner voice.

__

“It’s a valid medical question! Ouch-” Murphy cries out.

__

Bellamy can picture him waving his arms around as he speaks, likely at the expense of Clarke's handiwork.

__

“- I mean, how long has it been? You wouldn't have since at least…” he takes a second to consider the timing, “Since before the death wave? Damn, is that right?”

__

She doesn’t respond, but Bellamy hears her unmistakable shuffling that means she's avoiding the question. He should go. He shouldn’t be eavesdropping on them in the first place. This isn't any of his business.

__

Yet, again he finds himself frozen: waiting for an answer.

__

“I mean you and Niylah clearly had something going on before the nukes... but now that she and Warrior Princess are a thing...” a chair creaks as Murphy leans back, “And then you were alone on a planet for six years, no prospects there... and you've been frozen for another century, so…”

__

Still no answer. The tone of the room feels suddenly heavy.

__

“It's been _seven_ _years_ , plus the 125 year nap... and you _still_ aren’t sleeping with this guy?”

__

Clarke doesn’t respond. Bellamy is dying to see the look on her face; to read her reaction. It’s not like her to be this passive.

__

He can't see her silently shake her head.

“So what the hell’s wrong with him?”

__

He's annoyed now. _Why does Murphy care about Clarke’s sex life anyway?_

__

“Nothing!” Clarke is quick to respond this time, but there’s an edge to her voice. _“Obviously_ there’s nothing wrong with him, Murphy.”

__

“... sooo why the hang up?”

__

Another pause.

__

_If he hurt her, I swear to god..._

__

“You _know_ why, John.” Her voice is quiet now, uncharacteristically fragile. Bellamy notes how rare it is to hear Clarke use Murphy's first name.

__

A tension seems to hang in the air. It's quiet for a few moments… then a few moments more again.

__

Finally Bellamy can’t take it and he risks moving forward to peer around the corner. Clarke is facing away from Murphy: silently wringing her hands on the side of the desk, looking like she’s fighting an internal war.

__

Murphy, now sporting a bandaged arm, hobbles off his chair and across the room towards her.

__

“Look I'm not trying to be a jerk, here… _this_ is what I'm talking about.” he lays a sympathetic hand on her shoulder, “You can't keep this up, Griffin.”

__

“I don’t know what else to do!” Clarke throws her tools against the wall her voice faltering, “I tried... I _really_ tried to move past this. It’s been weeks with this guy and it’s just getting worse.”

__

She runs her hands over her face, clearly frustrated. “I _thought_ if I just gave him a chance, I’d start to feel differently. I thought _something_ would change.” she’s stammering over her words now, “I even tried…I tried to take that step after we got back the other night … but I couldn’t go through with it.”.

__

“I just... froze. I couldn't stop thinking about…” she trails off and fidgets with her sleeve, not looking up.

__

Bellamy’s brow furrows: until now, he had been under the impression Clarke was fond of her new companion. If he was being completely honest: it was how _much_ time she spent with him that made Bellamy like him even less. He had assumed any reservations Clarke had about the two of them dating was because of Madi.

__

_What the hell is going on?_

__

“Clarke, look, I know it’s not what you want to hear-”

__

It must not be. She’s already shaking her head and walking across the room again.

__

“-but you’re out of options. You need to be straight with him. It’s only a matter of time before he realizes you’re putting on a charade. I mean you’re _definitely_ not getting better at it.”

__

“We’ve been through this.” she chokes out, tears starting to well in her eyes.“Murphy, I can’t.”

__

It’s like seeing a completely different Clarke than the woman Bellamy’s been getting to know these past months. As glad as he is that she’s found family in spacekru, he feels a pang that it’s Murphy she’s choosing to open up to instead of him. Despite being so close to his co-leader, Bellamy hadn't a clue anything was even wrong. And now he can only stare, helpless, as she breaks down in front of him.

__

_Why didn’t you come to me?_

__

Murphy follows her across the room again and pulls her into a reassuring hug.

__

“He'll blame himself,” Clarke starts again, pulling away. “If I tell him: he'll make it his fault and beat himself up because things turned out the way they did.”

__

She closes her eyes for a moment, trying to find the words. “He'll feel guilty for being _happy..._ I can't do that to him. He deserves better than to have my baggage on his shoulders.”

__

Murphy nods, unable to argue with her on that, apparently. “But what if it's _not_ just you?”

__

She shoots him a visibly pained look.

__

_Clarke-_

__

Murphy starts to back-peddle, “Look, I'm not saying that he does or doesn't feel that way- the guy's not exactly an open book. But we _all_ know that there's always been something there that neither of you want to admit.”

__

Murphy pauses and moves to look properly at his friend: hands on both of her shoulders and a seriousness in his tone.

“He's is the _best_ of us, Clarke. If you love him, what Bellamy _deserves_ is for you to be honest. He deserves to hear you say it.”

__

_If you love him, Bellamy deserves to hear you say it._

__

_Oh my god._

__

Bellamy could swear that his heart stops beating in his chest. He immediately whirls away from the door to lean his back against the wall, feeling his knees ready to give out.

__

He has to remind himself to breathe.

 

Their conversation replays in his mind, now in a completely different context:

__

_… disgustingly in love, but too afraid to say anything._

__

_You stopped coming out with all of us._

__

_… avoided the last three council meetings_

__

_Why the hang up? | You know why, John._

__

_…. before he realizes you’re putting on a charade_

__

_… always been something there that neither of you want to admit._

__

_If you love him, what Bellamy deserves is for you to be honest_

__

_If you love him_

__

_If you love.._

__

_Bellamy_

__

_Oh my god_

__

The realization comes crashing into him. She’s pulled away to avoid seeing _him_. This why she went to Murphy. Why she didn’t tell him about the radio calls. Why Madi knew him _so well_ even before they met... because _Clarke loved him all along._

__

It hits him like a ton of bricks. With that thought: he's back at the shuttle door those years ago, making the decision to leave her behind. What if he had stayed?

__

What if he'd found another way?

__

What if he'd known, back then?

__

_She's right._ He thinks, ironically. He's already blaming himself. His stomach twists with guilt for not seeing it earlier, for allowing _them_ to become a memory those six years on the ring.

__

And then his thoughts turn back to the ring, to his family, and the guilt becomes two fold. What is he going to do?

__

“What am I going to do?” Clarke's voice jars him out of his thoughts. “If I tell him, it’s going to be too much.”

__

Murphy tries to reassure her, but to no effect. She’s whirling: overwhelmed by the prospect of finally having to tell him.

“But what if Bellamy can't get past it? How _do_ you move past something like this? What if it just gets more and more awkward, until he can't be even be around me anymore.”

__

Bellamy's heart aches. He yearns to take her into his arms, like he has so many times before, and tell her that's not possible. He wants to shake her and yell that nothing she could ever say would keep him from being there for her.

__

“That’s never going to happen, Clarke-”

__

“You can't know that Murphy!” she shouts, “You can't know that it's not going to push him away.”

__

_It won't._

__

“You can't know that this isn't going to _break_ us.”

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_We're in this together._

__

She's panicked now: stumbling over her words. “I _can't_ lose him too, John. I can't.”

__

_You won't._

__

“I lost Lexa. I lost Finn. I even lost _Wells_ , for christ’s sake! Everyone I’ve _ever_ loved is gone.” she shakes her head, "I can't go through that again. Not with Bellamy, not after everything-”

__

_Clarke, you are not going to lose me._

__

“Bellamy isn't going anywhere. You're his family. You're his person-.”  

__

“Not after this. He won’t be able to look at me when he finds out I’ve lied to him for this long.”

__

Bellamy’s in tears now, physically aching to reassure her. How could she think so little of herself? She honestly thinks that she’s the _only_ one of the two of them to have feelings like this. She thinks _loving him_ is going to be the thing to break them apart? How did they get here?

 

Unable to stop himself: he turns back to look through the doorway. She’s shaking and holding back sobs, leaning against the desk to support herself.

__

_Oh, Clarke-_

__

“Clarke listen to me: Bellamy will understand.”

__

“No! He won't... I can’t tell him, I can’t lose him again….”

__

_You won’t._

__

“You’re not going to lose him-”

__

“I will.”

__

_You won't._

__

“You won’t-”

 

“I will!”

__

_You won't._

__

“You won’t!-”

 

“YES! I will!”

 

“NO,” Bellamy’s legs are moving before he can register the thought. He marches forward and pauses in the doorway, looking only at her. “You won’t.”

__

His eyes catch Clarke’s right away and he doesn’t let them go. Her emotions come like a wave: shock... panic...guilt… fear… relief?

__

As he holds her gaze: a hundred words, left unsaid over a hundred years, play out between them. They say so much now, with no need to speak.

__

Without another thought: he crosses the room and gathers her up in his arms. They hold each other for dear life, needing to feel the other’s support more than ever.

__

Murphy quietly slinks away and leaves them with their privacy. For some time that evening: the two of them stand there in each other’s arms without saying a word, crying and holding the other all the more tightly.

__

Finally they break apart and their eyes meet again. For the first time: Clarke allows herself to look into Bellamy’s eyes with an uncensored sense of love.

__

Pure, unadulterated: love.

__

It stirs something deep within him that he didn’t know was there.

__

Something that he knows there’s no going back from.

 

* * *

 

 

_thanks for reading! <3_

__


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